Posts tagged this american life

Dear Ira,

I just called my job. Well, that is to say, my old job. I didn’t recognize the voice on the phone, so I asked for another co-worker.

Then I recognized the voice. It was E, only E was sick as a dog. I remember those times - never taking a day off, always coming into work with one foot in the grave.

I originally called to find out if they saw that I had written about them in my book. I wanted to know if they read it. I wanted to know if they liked it.

But calling there just now, I realized how happy I am that I no longer have to work there.

It’s one of those places that you don’t realize that you’re in the mire or how deep you are in, until you are suddenly out.

E, if you are reading this, and I know you are not, you’re almost out. And I got 6 days of sick time stored up that I wish I could give you.

Ira, I hope you treat your employees right.

-Enna

Dear Ira,

Long time no talk, eh? Things have quieted down here. My fiance is working, I am working. Things are just chugging along.

Someone recently said that if they could sum up life, they would describe it as a game of Monopoly. Some days you win free parking, some days you go to jail, but most of the time, you are just working your way around the board.

That being said, I hate the game of Monopoly. Why would anyone want to play that game? I never understood that.”Hey kids! It’s the game of commerce! Except you have to buy property and not anything cool that a normal 8 year old would want to buy! Gee whiz it sounds like fun!”

In other news, I have been asked to speak to a high school class about my career choice. What should I say, Ira? “Hey kids, did you know that getting a book published is good for the prestige, but otherwise, don’t expect to get paid a whole heck of a lot. Definitely not enough for coke and hookers for the next year, let alone the rest of your life.”

Ok, maybe I should leave out the coke. Parents don’t like their childrens’ speakers to talk about coke. I think.

Pondering the street value of narcotics,

Enna

Dear Ira,

I often think that maybe I should put my money where my mouth is, like maybe I should start a movement. I have been thinking about this movement for awhile now, but this is the first time I have ever vocalized it. It’s like I have been turning it over and over in my mind, much like the creation of a sword, until I get it perfectly sharp and correct.

Maybe none of us should get married unless all of us could get married. Maybe, as a collective, my generation should shun marriage until it becomes outdated and almost uncool to get married. Then, suddenly, we are all in the same boat when it comes to things like property and children and taxes, and when the majority is getting screwed, then we change things.

Do you think I would be strong enough to lead this kind of movement? Even Gloria Steinem got married in the end. And Ira, I look BEAUTIFUL in my wedding dress. Maybe I am just materialistic and comfortable in my white middle class existence. I once heard someone say that everything you ever wanted is just outside your comfort zone. Maybe that applies to me in this situation.

All I know is this: One day, possibly soon, the national guard is going to force Americans to once again wake up and realize that they are being ignorant and pigheaded. And the national guard is going to roll into town and stand guard while gay people get married because suddenly they have the rights to. There will be riots and protests in the street and everyone will worry about the American family and what is about to become of it.

I won’t be one of the people rioting in the street, but if I don’t make a stand, doesn’t that make me just as guilty?

Just thinking out loud,

Enna

Dear Ira,

Someone asked me over formspring if I really didn’t care what people thought of me. And for the most part, I don’t. I think you have to have a thick skin to write letters on the internet to an intellectual icon who will never write you back.

But that kind of is bullshit, isn’t it Ira? I mean, I care what my boss thinks of me, she pays me. I care what my fiance thinks of me, he is going to marry me. The list goes on and on.

But for the general public, I could care less. My fiance has a saying “Never mistake sarcasm for intelligence.” He’s right too. I often do just that.

Sarcastically and unintelligently yours,

Enna

fuckingbookdeal:

Dear Ira,

It’s been a shitty year. But I have high hopes for 2010.

Sincerely,

Enna

tree-saw:

It was fantastic.

 Dear Ira,

It looks like you have another fan.

Sincerely,

Enna Stein

of kosherporkchops.com